Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
