Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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