so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
