and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
