At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
