he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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