so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
