Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so explain again why im purple
no
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
