Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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