i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
