dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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