my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
