Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
