All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
