everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
