I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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