He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize