So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
