I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I will pee on everything he values.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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