He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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