maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
