Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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