if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
