I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
