Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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