you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
