How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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