I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
