Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
