One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
