I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
