Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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