I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
