we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
