meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
