so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
