dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
