): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
