Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
