Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
