She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize