Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
