he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
