i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
