I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
