Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
