I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Found your dick twin last night
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
