If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
