I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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