So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
