Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
