Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Non-Jews are for practice
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
