so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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