I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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