the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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