I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
