My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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