I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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