Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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