Pappa wants mamma naked
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize