Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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