I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
