You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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