I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
