We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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