My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
