When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
