May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i now understand why vodka
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
