just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
