Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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