You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
