apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
