A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize