I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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