Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Still dying that you shit outside
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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