Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
being pregnant is like rehab
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
